3 Things You Can Do, Right Now, to Change Your Marriage Overnight

March 6, 2017

3 Things You Can Do, Right Now, to Change Your Marriage Overnight

Do you and your husband fight a lot? Do you feel resentful toward him? Are you lonely and wish you could recreate the dynamic that existed between the two of you before the kids came along? If so, I have some great news: You have the power to change your marriage overnight. Boom—just like that. Women have a natural feminine energy that, when used well, works wonders on men and marriage. Too many women give up on love before putting this power to use. And it’s just sitting there for the taking! Not using it is like flushing a million dollars down the toilet.

Here are 3 things you can do right now—today—to bring about a happier and more peaceful relationship with your husband. Once you’ve tried this experiment, shoot me an email at suzanne@suzannevenker.com and tell me all about it. I can’t wait to hear. 🙂 (NOTE: THE FOLLOWING EXPERIMENT IS NOT FOR THE WOMAN WHOSE HUSBAND IS ABUSIVE OR HAS AN ADDICTION OF ANY KIND. IT IS FOR WOMEN WHOSE HUSBANDS ARE HEALTHY, SOBER AND SAFE.)

  1. STOP SAYING NO. There are so many ways a wife says ‘no’ to her husband even without using the word. You can play devil’s advocate. You can interject your alternate opinion the moment he gives you his. You can ignore him. You can overrule him as a parent. These are all forms of the word “no.” Starting today, decide to say ‘yes’ or ‘okay’ or ‘that’s fine’ to whatever your husband says or suggests. Resist the urge to be contrary in any way. And don’t worry: this does not mean you’ll never be heard or you’ll never share your thoughts or you’ll never offer your opinion again. It’s just a tactic to try on for size to see if the dynamic between you improves as a result.
  2. TALK LESS—YOU’LL SAY MORE. The goal here isn’t to turn you into a mouse; it’s to help you take stock of your speech and to really consider what you have to say before you say it. It’s also about appreciating the art of silence and becoming a better listener. Men are a largely silent bunch. They speak far less than women do—research shows women talk some 13,000 words more per day than men do!—not because they have nothing of value to offer but because they don’t talk just to talk. They think first about what they have to say and then “bottom line” it. So if you start speaking your husband’s language, rather than expecting him to speak yours, he’ll be more likely to hear you when you do have something to say. So get out the duct tape and, starting tonight, talk only when you absolutely must. Before you open your mouth, think about why you want to say whatever it is you want to say, and then ask yourself these three questions: Is it true? Is it necessary? Is it kind? All three of your answers must be yes in order to say what you want to say. If even one answer is “no,” say nothing at all.
  3. HAVE SEX. Nothing—nothing—will change your husband’s demeanor and make him more receptive and loving toward you than sex. And I don’t mean just any ‘ole sex. You have to get in there and really enjoy it. You have to be playful. You have to become one with his you-know-what. That thing is like a magic tool! If you become as enamored with it as your husband is, he will become your best friend and greatest ally. It works like a charm. And isn’t something that just benefits him. Sex is relationship glue: it literally bonds the two of you, chemically, in a way nothing else can. Its effects are immediate. Here’s an interesting essay by a woman who had sex with her husband every day for a year (and no, I’m not suggesting you need to do this), and here’s what she had to say about it:

    “Sex begat more sex, and those connected, loved up feelings began to creep outside of the bedroom — or in our case, the laundry room, the closet and our garage — and into our everyday lives. We were more romantic with each other, touching arms as we passed, kissing longer before work and not just the cold familiar peck. Our relationship was stronger and better when our intimacy was flourishing.”

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