Being a beta does not mean being subservient.
At the end of the day, it’s about fear. Women are so used to hearing a different message from the culture that mine sounds threatening. Don’t let it be threatening—it’s all good. Very good.
I’ve read a few comments and received a few emails from folks who think that being a beta wife comes down to being subservient. It doesn’t, of course—that’s the fear talking.
The word subservient means to “obey others unquestionably” and to have a “less important role.” That is not my message. In fact, being 100% beta or a 100% alpha is never a good thing. The goal is to find balance.
What I am suggesting is that women who rule the roost back off a bit, respect their husbands’ ideas and opinions, and yes, even defer to their husbands when necessary — in the same way wives expect their husbands to defer to them.
Since this is not a natural thing for an alpha woman to do, she must first harness her inner beta. A beta is inside almost every woman; it’s just been lying there dormant out of fear of accessing it. I’m not suggesting a Type A person will all of the sudden become a Type B. But there’s no reason you can’t own some of that passive energy to get the love you want.
Being a beta doesn’t mean to be ‘less than.’ It doesn’t mean you lack an identity or that you’re an appendage of your husband. Being a beta just means to be more feminine. What does it mean to be more feminine? It means to be nice. It means to be soft instead of hard, easy instead of difficult. Betas, or Type Bs, are patient and easy-going. They’re more laid-back, more trusting, and more acquiescent.
Acquiescence is only a problem for women who are married to, or women whose mothers were married to, or women who are afraid of being married to, a domineering man who will abuse his alpha nature against his wife. If you’re married to a man like that, my message is not for you.
My message is for women who are married to the average modern man, who is far from domineering. If anything, he’s too accommodating.
But if you associate femininity with weakness, as you’ve been taught to do, it’s true that nothing else I write or say will make sense. You have to get rid of that association first. Once you do, the rest will fall into place.