Why Men Are Slackers and Women Are Single

This past Valentine’s Day brought with it, as it often does, scores of articles about love and romance. But rather than celebrate its usual counterpart — marriage — we celebrated something new: singlehood. Single women, to be exact.

The rise of the single woman is hardly something to celebrate. She represents the culmination of a decades-long revolution that has chipped away, relentlessly and insidiously, at the traditional family unit. First it was motherhood, now it’s marriage.

Before I write more, let me be clear: There is absolutely nothing wrong with being single. Being single, by definition, is not a flaw; and it requires no justification. What is wrong is when feminists use this very purposeful trend to try and upend a centuries-old global institution that serves millions of adults — and their children — exceedingly well.

In the widely read November 2011 Atlantic cover story, entitled “All the Single Ladies,” singleton Kate Bolick declares that “it’s time to embrace new ideas about romance and family — and to acknowledge the end of traditional marriage as society’s highest ideal.” And her latest piece, published this weekend in the Wall Street Journal, is titled “For Women, Is Home Really So Sweet?” In it, Bolick compares home ownership for single women to society’s high opinion of marriage. (Hint: They’re both overrated.)

Just some articles by a frustrated woman? Hardly. Bolick’s “All the Single Ladies” — which has been “recommended” 51,000 times on Facebook — is being made into a television series. So now the young people of America will get this message crammed down their throats every week. That should make for some good partnerships down the road, don’t you think?

Indeed, Bolick is in good company — not just with Hollywood but with like-minded pontificators such as Hanna Rosin, who wrote a similar article last year called “The End of Men” – also in The Atlantic, and also widely read. The online version of this article incorporates a video in which Rosin (and her daughter) conclude, while sitting at a table opposite her son and (very emasculated) husband, that “girls are better than boys.” And we can’t forget one of the liberal media’s favorite professors, Stephanie Coontz. In an article last week in The New York Times, entitled “The M.R.S and the Ph.D.,” Coontz exalts the ascension of women and suggests they resign themselves to marrying down.

Then there are articles that aren’t so well-known — such as last month’s cover story in Boston magazine, entitled “Single by Choice.” The smaller caption reads, “This is Terri. She’s successful, happy, and at 38, just fine with never getting married. Ever.” It’s enough to make the average person think there’s something fundamentally wrong with the married state.

Which, of course, is the point.

Unlike women such as Condoleezza Rice, who quietly lead unconventional lives without a trace of resentment toward their fellow men, feminists are inherently insecure women who demand validation for their unusual choices. They do this by implying the so-called rise of women is a great thing — and proof that marriage is an outdated, patriarchal institution. At an event in Washington D.C., Bolick and Rosin appear together to do just that. Rosin, in her trademark elitist and condescending fashion, had this to say: ”Having reported a lot on Christian conservatives, I can tell you they get married, like, as soon as they fall in love and, you know, it’s probably because they can’t have sex unless they’re married — which is not the case for most of us.” (Envision lots of insulting facial gestures, as well as laughter coming from the audience.) Just imagine if I were to say in a similar forum, “Yeah, you know how those Jews are.”

High-profile feminists such as Bolick, Rosin, and Coontz celebrate the ascension of women as though it were a win-win. But the fact that today more women than men get college degrees and have good jobs is nothing to smile about. ”The good news about women is accompanied by bad news about men, which also turns out to be bad news for women,” writes Wall Street Journal columnist James Taranto.

The “bad news” about men is always couched in the context that men aren’t “manning up,” or doing what’s necessary to be responsible adults. Perhaps they aren’t — they’re certainly retreating from marriage, that’s for sure. The question is, why? And the answer is simple. With premarital sex a foregone conclusion and cohabitation on the rise, men live the good life with no responsibilities. Moreover, women have made it clear they don’t need a man to support them, to be happy, or even to become a mother. The result is that men become slackers.

And those so-called empowered women feminists created? Many learn, eventually, that they were cruelly misled. Millions of women find that they do, in fact, want to stay home with their babies when they’re young and therefore need a husband with a good job. But by that time, it’s too late. Their husbands have been schooled in the art of feminism just as they have and expect their wives to go to work and “pull their weight.”

And that’s just the women who were fortunate enough to find husbands in the first place. Others put off marriage indefinitely — until they decide they want a baby. Trouble is, they can’t find men who are willing to marry them.

To repeat what James Taranto put so astutely in his WSJ article: Happy Valentine’s Day.

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Reader Comments
Jul 27, 2013, 3:56 am

I am not sure where you are getting your info, but good topic.
I needs to spend some time learning more or understanding more.
Thanks for great information I was looking for this information for my mission.

Mar 25, 2013, 1:11 am

I will probably get yeleld at for this but....While Harper runs the country as an economist (as it should be run, I might add) and has done better than previous prime ministers, that doesn't excuse his complete unwillingness to address pro-life issues. He avoids them because he knows- one way or another- he will pay for it politically. Voting someone like him in not only supports him and his stand (or lack thereof), it also gives no impetus for him to revisit any issue. He knows he will always get support, no matter how much someone may hold their noses and vote.Just my thoughts.

Mar 24, 2013, 5:15 pm

You don't mangae her but you can mangae to stay married to her making sure you both maintain your freedom and independence and don't become too emotionally, mentally, or financially dependent on the other. Keep your finances separate but cooperate on joint expenses so that everything is as equal as possible. If you owned property or investments prior to marriage, keep those out of the marriage. It muddies the waters and erodes equality if one had more than the other.Encourage her to keep her married name if she wants to, and continue working if children come along so that both participate equally in funding a shared home and caring for childrenEncourage her to excel in her career as much as possible and you do the same. You each should find fulfillment in things independently not just together so that marriage doesn't define you. Don't coddle her and treat her like a girl/lady , which often is in a protective manner that she doesn't treat you in. Rather, treat her like an independent, strong, just as capable of: cutting the grass, fixing the toilet, killing spiders, patching the roof, or anything else person as you are, if not more capable.That's how you mangae to stay married to a feminist wife.

Mar 24, 2013, 11:15 am

I was humbled by what I read, and it rlelay struck a chord with me. In the years I worked Maternity, I dealt with cases not so far from some of the stories I read tonight. Some of them did not have happy endings. I am glad to see anyone trying to focus attention on domestic violence. Silence is a bad thing, and it has been hidden by cultural taboos for too long. We need to drag it into the light and get discussion going, then perhaps we will be able to help survivors in the way they need.

Celibate for Life
Dec 14, 2012, 6:00 am

Most of us men have come to realize that we are the "enemy" to a growing number of women. I now accept it as a fact of life and choose to live a great life.....alone. I refuse to accept that my only value is to be a footstool to an angry women. I think that the real loser is in fact women! By the way, I can also see that there are also a shrinking number of boys who turn into men as well.

bad karma
Dec 02, 2012, 4:03 pm

I'm a middle aged man whose never been married. But, I'm not 'single': I'm an individual. It's sad that the modern narrative still circles inside that same box. I would go so far as to say that it's prejudiced to discuss people in married/single terms. Are Black people just people who aren't White yet? Having said that, I applaud your bravery against the feminist horde, Ms. Venker.

Dec 01, 2012, 7:47 pm

Yes we have the so called liberal left wing nazi-feminist women who rush was right on his talk radio. This so called left wing nazi-feminist women have destroyed the family and marriage fabric of good moral society. See those nazi-feminist women who thought other women to act same and be immoral single women mothers who get childrens out of wedlock and have no role model for their boy childrens.
So strong family based heterosexualy Christian conservative families from USA need to destroy this so called nazi-feminist women need to be destroyed by us conservatives and clean this country USA of us which founded by our christian forefathers.
For your kind information this mess of arrogant nazi-feminist immoral womens are only in mostly in this good moral country and giving birth as single mothers to criminal minded left-wing childrens and spoiling our land. If you go to the other continents of the world like the rest of Asia and Muslim world and other Christian countries they have move respected hard working womens with moral and family values and balancing both job and family with no nazi-feminist attitudes.
So this mess is just in our country and I point to those single immoral woman mothers and single girls who voted for this evil left wing party for free benefits and entitlements for which our right wing conservative party work hard in this country. It was for us this country was famous all over the world not this single nazi-feminist women.
If they call it a war on men then I will tell all the conservative heterosexual mens to rise up and don’t be like impotent mens and show how this world was formed by mens order not by this nazi-feminist women and get ready to destroy them. This small percentage is only in our country and they don’t dare try to speak this in other Asian and muslim countries will just behead this nazi-feminist women rogues.
We do need nurse the hard core radical Christian conservative young guns to be at war at any time to destroy this nazi-feminist women thinkers and the left wing so trying to push in our throat all this immoral evil thinkings.

Karen Haught
Nov 27, 2012, 8:26 pm

Kevin, You are quite right. I live and speak bi-continentally (US and AUS) as an author on traditional marriage and hear this quite often from Western men. . . that they wouldn't ever marry a Western women because we are disagreeable, bossy, self-centered and selfish, demanding, and generally very unpleasant to live with. It's a fair description. Western women are so focused on the fear their husband could become a dominating dictator - - they have become harsh dictators themselves. [K. B. Haught is the author of "The God Empowered Wife: How Strong Women Can Help Their Husbands Become Godly Leaders."]

Nov 27, 2012, 5:42 am

For the most part, I wholeheartedly agree with this article. However, I'm not so sure that these people are attacking marriage when they say they are happy being single. I think, like me, many young people are now realising that marrying for the wrong reasons (read:happily ever after myth) is landing everyone in divorce. Marriage is not an institution, and it's called an institutuion for a reason, to be entered into lightly, or even just for love. I always remind people that love is necessary but not sufficient for marriage. That said, I think that these days we need to understand what we want to do with our lives beyond hearth and home before we can meet someone with whom it even makes sense to marry. Don't forget that the beginning of feminism was born out of abject boredom and dissatisfaction with life. Why? Because not all women are called to be mothers or wives.
What the article 'single by choice' seems to me to be saying is that we need to stop telling ourselves that it's necessary to find someone to be happy. It is necessary to be happy, and maybe then we'll find someone to be happy with: family+marriage or not.

Nov 25, 2012, 3:57 pm

Western men are increasingly looking at Asian women for relationships.

Derek Johnson
Oct 11, 2012, 11:49 pm

Thanks for your blog and for your perspective. I hear so much bombardment from the media and entertainment of feminist. I find that when feminists say men have no right to comment on certain issues simply because their men, what they're really saying is "We know our argument sucks, and if men did address these issues, everyone would say that the emperor is wearing no clothes."

May 22, 2012, 4:33 am

Aaargh! That Hanna Rosin woman in the video (and her daughter) were just horrible! On and on about how great they were and how victimized they were. I wouldn't say the husband was emasculated so much as has a high tolerance for B.S. At least he called her out on being a bully when she wouldn't directly answer his questions. I imagine if that marriage is still intact it is on shaky ground because the husband seemed fully aware and even willing to call B.S. - not sure why he's staying with such a grating and annoying woman. And on that note, my 8 year old daughter will often proudly announce that girls are better than boys and I have to explain to her that girls and boys are just very different and bring different strengths and weaknesses to the picture - just like every *person* is different. I was brought up with a lot of misogyny as a child and was taught girls are inferior. It took me a long time to get over the scars of that and I'll be d*mned if I'm going to turn around and do the same thing to men when I already know how hurtful it is. Shame on all women who treat men so badly!

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